I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
