At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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