True but thats because hes a fetus.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
