I must be too annoying 4 u.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
