My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Randomize
