i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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