So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Randomize
