Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Randomize
