I want to walk on stilts...naked
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
