Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
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