Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Just pee around me
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
