I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
You ruined the universe
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
