Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Randomize
