I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
