You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Randomize
