she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
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