Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
