just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Randomize
