hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
