I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
