and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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