not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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