I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
You're a waste of cheezeits
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Randomize
