and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
