Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Come on in and take your pants off
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