Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
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