I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Randomize
