after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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