I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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