I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
