hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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