just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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