You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Randomize
