she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
