my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Randomize
