I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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