when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
