yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
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