why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
