I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize
