I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
I party with great urgency now.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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