Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Randomize
