I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Randomize
