In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Randomize
