Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
