I'm eating all of the evidence.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Randomize
