Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
