You're completely useless in the revolution.
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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