Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
