Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
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