just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
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