I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
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