Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
