u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
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