I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
