I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
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