He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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